KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS (1977)

Director: John “Bud” Cardos

Writers: Stephen Lodge, Jeffrey M. Sneller, Alan Caillou, Richard Robinson

Producer: Igo Kantor, Jeffrey M. Sneller

Cast: William Shatner, Tiffany Bolling, Lieux Dressler, Woody Strode, Altovise Davis, David McLean, Marcy Lafferty, Natasha Ryan, Joe Ross, Adele Malis-Morey, Roy Engel, Hoke Howell, Whitey Hughes, Bill Coontz (as Bill Foster), Jay Lawrence, Bettie Bolling, Anita Merritt (as Juanita Merritt), Nadia Caillou, Valla Rae McDade, Jon-Jon, Spec O’Donnell 

In Verde Valley, Arizona, spiders are killing cattle and pets with their venomous bites. The local veterinarian Robert “Rack” Hansen (William Shatner) and entomologist Diane Ashley (Tiffany Bolling) are trying to discover the reason for these attacks and to advise the local authorities. Before long humans also become victims, and soon the whole town of Camp Verde is threatened by the evermore-aggressive multitude of deadly spiders. 

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In the nature-attacks film wave of the 1970s, spiders were a natural choice of threat as most people are not very fond of the eight-legged critters. They were members in a multi-species, man-killing army of the Florida bayou in Frogs (1972) and came from outer space to menace North Central Wisconsin in The Giant Spider Invasion (1975). When Stephen Lodge and Jeffrey M. Sneller, the writers of the original story for Kingdom of the Spiders, decided to base a horror film on what they were both afraid of, spiders were their mutual choice.

This film falls squarely into the eco-horror category. It is suggested that man’s pesticides have killed off much of the spiders’ natural prey. Therefore, the spiders have adapted to become more venomous and attack larger animals, including man.

William Shatner tops the cast in his best role since Captain James T. Kirk of the Star Trek TV series (1966-69). As veterinarian “Rack” Hansen, Shatner is down-to-earth, heroic, funny, and likable. His performance really distinguishes what could otherwise have seemed like just one more killer critter flick for the drive-ins. Of course, Shatner brings some star power to the production, but he also keeps things interesting between all of the horror stuff.

Shatner’s character and performance take the edge off of the boy-meets-girl movie cliché of the heroine playing hard to get. It is immediately established that there is a bit of a class and culture clash between Shatner’s desert town, pickup truck driving vet “Rack” Hansen and the liberated, Mercedes driving, university entomologist Diane Ashley (Tiffany Bolling). It makes some sense that, initially, there would be a bit of friction between the two characters. Hansen’s teasing of Ashley is amusing as are her rebuffs of his early advances. We learn to like these two characters and welcome their eventual comfort with each other. 

This film demonstrates just how labor-intensive it must have been to make such a movie in those pre-CGI days. The filmmakers had to get thousands of live tarantulas onto the shooting locations, let them loose just before the cameras would start rolling, then round the spiders up again after each shot and put them into separate plastic cups so that they would not cannibalize each other.

Just as impressive is an airplane stunt that seems to occur quite close to our stars William Shatner and Tiffany Bolling. This all had to take place physically in front of the camera and must have required a lot of planning and precise timing to pull off safely. 

Kingdom of the Spiders is a ’70s spin on that 1955 sci-fi horror classic Tarantula. Of course, in ’55, we also had a spider as the beastie, a desert setting, and the handsome local doctor hooking up with the beautiful visiting science academic. The science that got out of hand to cause the arachnid menace was also concerned with providing man’s food. In the atomic age of the ’50s, it was a scientist using radiation to develop a nutrient that caused a spider escaping from the lab to become a giant, man-eating monster. In Kingdom of the Spiders, the man-made cause of the horror is once again intended to aid in food production: pesticides. This results in not just one monster. Instead, it forces thousands of tarantulas to start feeding on man to replace the spiders’ natural prey that the pesticides have eliminated. The cause of the threat in Kingdom of the Spiders is far more pervasive than a single scientist’s screw-up, which accounts for the later film’s much more bleak attitude.

That attitude is this film’s lasting distinction. The story takes the time to make us bond with some of the characters and there is a fair amount of humor from roles large and small. As a result, there is certainly a sense of tragedy felt about some of the fatalities that occur. With none other than William Shatner as our hero, we expect things to work out when he takes charge. However, as the menace keeps mounting, the situation seems to keep getting more and more hopeless. While Kingdom of the Spiders does not strive to be deep or clever, it does not stroke its audience with comforting clichés, either.

URBAN LEGEND (1998)

Director: Jamie Blanks

Writer: Silvio Horta

Producers: Neal H. Moritz, Gina Matthews, Michael McDonnell

Cast: Alicia Witt, Rebecca Gayheart, Jared Leto, Joshua Jackson, Tara Reid, Michael Rosenbaum, Loretta Devine, John Neville, Robert Englund, Brad Dourif (uncredited), Natasha Gregson Wagner, Danielle Harris, Julian Richings, Matt Birman, Balázs Koós, Danny Comden, Stephanie Anne Mills, Nancy McAlear, Clé Bennett, Shawn Mathieson, Danielle Brett, Roberta Angelica, Gord Martineau, Angela Vint, Kay Hawtrey, J.C. Kenny, Vince Corazza 

Students of Maine’s Pendleton University are being murdered. The college is the setting of an urban legend about a mass murder that was supposed to have occurred on April 23rd, 1973. As the 25th anniversary of that rumored tragedy approaches, student Natalie Simon (Alicia Witt) has witnessed two recent killings and is convinced that the killer is re-enacting various urban legends. 

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The massive success of Scream (1996) resurrected the slasher film genre as it toyed with the conventions of that ’80s horror trend. Urban Legend was certainly trying to tap into that same market while it arrived at its own interesting MO for its killer. Rather than riffing on slasher films, the villain of Urban Legend riffs on the contemporary folktales of bad things happening to ordinary people that may or may not be true. That gimmick is the main pleasure that I derive from this film. 

Urban Legend is quite true to its slasher roots. There are plenty of suspicious characters and speculations about the killer and possible motives, which work well with the theme of paranoia in an era becoming more aware of urban legends. There are plenty of contrivances to allow the killer access to victims and to play games with the bodies. There are also plenty of gratuitous killings. Rather than exact retribution in the most direct and practical means, the killer risks constant discovery racking up a lot of extra victims. I can justify this execution excess by rationalizing that early on the villain may have achieved one main objective but had roused a bloodlust that needed to be sated with a more protracted series of murders before completely settling their grudge. Yup, that’s me: the serial killer enabler. 

As in the best slasher films, the identity of the killer is a mystery we are waiting to be solved. In an interesting variation on the usual slasher film formula, we are not privy to a past tragedy early in the story that motivates the murderer; all is revealed late in the film. This variation, however, is also how Scream dealt with its reveal. 

Of course, since this film and many more, for better or worse, were inspired by Scream, that means that we are dealing with a lot of slick, snarky, and hip banter between all members of the young cast. To be clear, this can be entertaining enough, yet is hardly more realistic or gives us characters of any more depth than the much-maligned slasher film characters from the '80s. 

While the able, young cast portraying college students clearly typify the potential victims of Scream and many slasher films of the previous decade, the filmmakers of Urban Legend also treat ’80s horror fans to some familiar faces; Robert Englund, Danielle Harris, and Brad Dourif have small but memorable roles. 

There are also many uses of the soon-to-be-tired false scares crutch. While this gimmick was nothing new, many youth-centric horror films at this time were running it into the ground. Apparently, Gen X film fans needed a climax, even a faked one, every five minutes. I wonder what Sasha (Tara Reid), the Pendleton University radio sex therapist, would make of that.

Pendleton University has to be the classiest campus in the universe. Even the campus cafe the students hang out in looks like the inner sanctum of an upper crust gentleman’s club from a century earlier. Studded leather upholstered furniture and dark wood paneling are everywhere. The frat house that hosts wild parties is as finely appointed as the average mansion. If mommy and daddy can afford it, I could see some of these kids switching majors at least half a dozen times so that they will never have to graduate. 

Urban Legend is a slick and diverting thriller with a sly sense of subverting expectations. The menace in a scene is often established as a misdirection to deliver a surprise payoff. Although this killer goes to extraordinary lengths to exact a twisted revenge, it is fun seeing the different urban legend scenarios that are employed. Perhaps the main fault of the film is that it tries too hard. Like all too many films since the ’80s, one climax is never enough. As Urban Legend approaches its finish, we have one twist and surprise reveal after another until it starts to remind us that we are just watching a movie. However, I do find the very last scene satisfying. 

As I unleash this review of Urban Legend upon an unsuspecting world on the 50th anniversary of the Pendleton University Stanley Hall massacre, I want to assure you that, even if my sanity has always been questionable, this flashback fanatic is not bearing any murderous grudges. However, if anyone tries to convince me of the merits of Independence Day (1996), I just might lose it!

THE EVIL THAT MEN DO (1984)

Director: J. Lee Thompson

Writers: R. Lance Hill (as David Henry Lee), John Crowther, Fred A. Wyler (uncredited) (based on R. Lance Hill’s novel)

Producer: Poncho Kohner

Cast: Charles Bronson, Theresa Saldana, Joseph Maher, Antoinette Bower, José Ferrer, René Enriquez, Angélica Aragón, Raymond St. Jacques, John Glover, Amanda Nicole Thomas (as Nicole Thomas), Miguel Ángel Fuentes, Jorge Luke, Mischa Hausserman, Roger Cudney, Jorge Humberto, Robles, Anías de Melo, Carlos Romano, Conrad Hool (as Alan Conrad), Enrique Lucero, Constanza Hool, Joe Seneca, Eduardo López Rojas, Rodrigo Puebla, Richard Brodie, Ernesto Gómez,Cruz, Jorge Zepeda, Fernando Sáenz, Alfredo Tarzan Gutiérrez 

In Suriname, South America, journalist Jorge Hidalgo (Jorge Humberto Robles) is tortured to death by Clement “The Doctor” Molloch (Joseph Maher). Jorge is killed because he was critical of the torture methods Molloch demonstrates to government officials for use on their citizens. Torture specialist Molloch teaches brutal interrogation techniques to similar regimes around the world. Hidalgo’s friend, Hector Homlin (José Ferrer), visits retired assassin Holland (Charles Bronson), another friend of the murdered journalist. Homlin hires the reluctant Holland to stalk and kill the Doctor. 

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In 1984 actor Charles Bronson was in the midst of his late-career series of thrillers. Most of them capitalized on the reputation Bronson had achieved as vigilante Paul Kersey in Death Wish (1974) and its sequels. The murderous man of action aspect in Bronson characterizations was never more pronounced than in The Evil That Men Do. 

Films like Dirty Harry (1971) vented anger and anxiety about crime and the frustration over a justice system that seemed broken. Ever since Clint Eastwood’s iconic title role, most film heroes became increasingly brutal, which made lethal force the standard behavior for the good guy. By the 1980s, it was taken for granted in films that wasting the bad guy was the go-to solution for saving the day. Charles Bronson’s assassin Holland epitomizes that moviegoer mindset while impressing with his methodical and coldblooded efficiency. This is more edgy than the ever more elaborate and cartoonish thrills that many ’80s action films were embracing. 

Of course, what justifies Holland’s deadly mission is that his target Clement “The Doctor” Molloch is a practitioner of torture. We see Molloch employing his gruesome skills before an audience of South American government officials. This establishes an overwhelming sense of dread and outrage in the film audience. As in Dirty Harry and Bronson’s own Death Wish films, such villainy is so heinous that a certain death dealt to the perpetrator seems perfectly appropriate. 

There is an almost constant pall of oppression and sleaze hanging over the film. When the scene shifts to Guatemala, where Clement “The Doctor” Molloch is based, The Evil That Men Do demonstrates how appalling life is in a poor country ruled by a militaristic regime. Corruption and brutality are prevalent, and we see some of the villains engaging in their own risky, extracurricular activities. Drugs and casual sex with strangers are how these people find a release in this sordid society. This unsavory atmosphere adds an additional paranoid factor to the situation of Holland and Theresa Hidalgo tracking down their target to kill.

Too many people dismiss Charles Bronson as wooden, especially in his crowd-pleasing, exploitation films heyday of the ’80s. I think he is effective because he has presence. He was not a showoff and neither were the characters that he played. When someone is truly accomplished, they have self-assurance and do not need to try to convince others of their ability; it is the bullies and frauds that must threaten and brag because they can’t back up their bullshit. It is this aspect of Bronson’s persona that suits the characters he portrays. When we do see some stress or emotion leak through his reserved demeanor, it has greater impact. It seems like a sincere reaction that presents the audience a true emotional gauge to measure the severity of a situation. 

A fine example of this emotional gauge at work in The Evil That Men Do is when Bronson’s Holland is confronted with an enormous brute (Miguel Ángel Fuentes) in a sleazy bar. We know that Holland is offended and also a bit intimidated by the giant lout. It stresses to us that this is not just a movie moment and makes us all too aware of the very real danger in this situation. We soon find out that Holland is very good with his hands in the baddest way possible. 

There are many examples of such nasty intensity in this film. The violence is not glorified; it consists of the protracted sadism of the Doctor’s torture techniques or the quick and deadly action taken by the professional killer Holland. The Evil That Men Do never provides contrived stunts and heroics meant to wow an audience. It coldcocks the audience with coldblooded matter-of-factness. 

Joseph Maher earns our absolute disgust and hatred as Clement Molloch. This ruthless fiend behaves with refined detachment while conducting torture, yet he is easily distressed by any indication of threat. It seems that he is the sort of person who probably compensates for his own inadequacies and cowardice by exercising total power over others during his torture sessions. Anyone who would market torture deserves whatever they get. That is why we can get behind the idea of assassination as a just course of action in this film. 

Antoinette Bower is equally hissable as Molloch’s sister Claire. She seems just as sadistic as the Doctor when she attends his deadly demonstrations. Bower was a familiar guest star in many US television series during the ’60s and ’70s. I never knew she could be so accomplished at being abhorrent. 

As Rhiana Hidalgo, Theresa Saldana adds the emotional motivation to the mission of killing the Doctor. She and her young daughter Sarah (Amanda Nicole Thomas) accompany Holland to make him appear like a family man on holiday when he travels to Guatemala to find Molloch. Seeking revenge for the murder of her journalist husband does not transform Rhiana into a snarky, combat-ready action hero. Although Rhiana is an angry woman wanting justice, she is also traumatized by the ongoing violence and, at one point, wants to abandon the vendetta. This is another realistic aspect to the story that helps it all seem deadly serious. It does not pander to us, as many contemporary thrillers do, by shoehorning in representatives for multiple demographics of the audience to play hero. This is just a badass Bronson flick, so he is the one doing the ass kicking. 

Frequent Charles Bronson director J. Lee Thompson helms this film. Thompson had directed Bronson’s previous picture, the intense police procedural 10 to Midnight (1983). The old pro Thompson salvaged the film when it became apparent that the original director was not going to work out. At a moment’s notice, Thompson arrived in Mexico where the movie was to be shot and got the film in the can. 

This film is based on the novel by R. Lance Hill. Although somewhat streamlined, this adaptation is quite faithful to its prose source. The one major change is the film’s grisly and fitting conclusion. 

The Evil That Men Do is not a film that exists to showcase the machismo of its star performing asinine exploits. This film is about the brutal means used to avenge sanctioned brutality. To make that seem like it matters, The Evil That Men Do delivers danger and death with the one-and-only Charles Bronson instead of stunts and swagger with the wiseass hunk of the moment.