HOUSE ON GREENAPPLE ROAD (1970)

Director: Robert Day

Writers: George Eckstein, based on the novel The House on Greenapple Road by Harold R. Daniels

Producer: Adrian Samish

Cast: Christopher George, Janet Leigh, Julie Harris, Tim O’Connor, Barry Sullivan, Walter Pidgeon, Keenan Wynn, Peter Mark Richman (as Mark Richman), William Windom, Joanne Linville, Lynda Day George (as Linda Day), Burr DeBenning, Edward Asner, Lawrence Dane (as Laurence Dane), Ned Romero, Paul Fix, Eve Plumb, Alice Jubert, Paul Lukather, Olan Soule, John Ward, Geoffrey Deuel, Tina Menard, Rees Vaughn, Anthony Derek, Bob Duggan, Michael Harris, Tom Palmer, John Mayo, Selette Cole, John Yates, Frank Jamus, (uncredited) Kenneth G. Kemp 

In Santa Luisa, California, Detective Lt. Dan August (Christopher George) is investigating a violent crime. In the suburban home of George and Marian Ord (Tim O’Connor and Janet Leigh), the kitchen is found in a shambles and covered in blood. Although the amount of blood loss at the scene would have been fatal, no corpse is found, and both George and Marian Ord are missing. 

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House on Greenapple Road was pretty damned intense stuff for this boob tube brat. The 1970 made-for-TV mystery made a lasting impression with its chilling opening showing the gory aftermath of murder in an empty kitchen and a series of color enhanced negative film clips of the violent struggle during the credits. The impact of this still registered through the low-resolution, black-and-white television set of my childhood. Unfortunately, the only other thing that I remembered since that one-time viewing was the discovery of the culprit. Nevertheless, my anticipation of finally being able to rewatch this intriguing police procedural was rewarded with an interesting story and good performances by many familiar television stars of the era. 

This film is a pretty stark indication of how more adult content was creeping into prime time television. In addition to the bloody violence, the theme of sexual infidelity is very prominent throughout. 

Janet Leigh gets top billing as Marian Ord, the woman missing from her bloody kitchen. However, she gets plenty of screen time during flashbacks that many characters have about their relationships with her. Since she had achieved immortality as Marion Crane in Alfred Hitchcock’s creepy classic Psycho (1960), getting Janet Leigh to appear in another murder mystery must have been quite a casting coup for this ABC television film. It is also eerily reminiscent of her introduction in Psycho seeing her clad in her underwear during a series of bedroom scenes with a series of lovers. While these are nearly meta-movie moments, I am sure that any viewer’s familiarity with Leigh’s Psycho role could only work in this story’s favor. 

As the detective hero Lt. Dan August, Christopher George is the most prominent member of the cast. It takes a guy like George to keep our interest in a character that we only see doing his job. We really do not learn anything about his life off duty. The only way we discern anything about him is by seeing how he conducts himself during this investigation. He is handsome, intense, and honorable without any showboating heroics or theatrics. Most of the feelings that he conveys are those of irritation with other authorities that are more concerned with publicity than humanity and justice. 

Christopher George’s frequent co-star (and soon-to-be wife) Lynda Day plays a small role as Lillian Crane. Is it only a coincidence that two beautiful blonde characters in this film have names similar to Psycho’s Marion Crane? Day’s performance is a big departure from her usual manner as her character is high on weed during her single scene. 

It is fun to see many familiar television actors of the day portray the succession of horndogs using poor Marian Ord. Most of them are incredibly insensitive, which, of course, makes all of them appear to be likely suspects. Of special interest to horror buffs, young Burr DeBenning plays sports club lifeguard Bill Foley who wants to practice his breaststroke with married Marian Ord. DeBenning assumed a much more noble role as Dr. Ted Nelson in The Incredible Melting Man (1977). 

Apparently, House on Greenapple Road was a ratings success. It became the basis for the subsequent 26 episodes of the single-season Dan August television series later that year. A pre-superstardom Burt Reynolds took over the lead role from Christopher George. Ned Romero, as Sgt. Joe Rivera, was the only actor repeating his role from the pilot film in the weekly series. 

What could have seemed like a pretty routine police detective drama, House on Greenapple Road has a grisly and sleazy edge that distinguishes it from most television fare of the time. This morbid, little bugger knew a good thing when he saw it. Happily, this morbid, old bugger was obsessive enough to have tracked it down again.

PIECES (1982)

Director: Juan Piquer Simón

Writers: Dick Randall, Roberto Loyola (as John Shadow), Juan Piquer Simón (uncredited)

Producers: Dick Randall, Stephen Minasian

Cast: Christopher George, Linda Day, Edmund Purdom, Ian Sera, Paul L. Smith, Frank Braña, Jack Taylor, Isabelle Luque, Cristina Cottrel, Leticia Marfil, Silvia Gambino, Carmen Aguado, Paco Alvez, Roxana Nieto, Hilda Fuchs, May Heatherly, Gérard Tichy, Alejandro Hernández, Alejandro de Enciso, Hugo Astar, Emilio Linder, Victor Iregua, Nicholas A. Burd, Mario De Barros, (and uncredited cast) Pilar Alcón (woman pictured in puzzle), Bruce Le, Juan Piquer Simón 

In 1942 Boston, Massachusetts, a young boy (Alejandro Hernández) is putting together a jigsaw puzzle of a naked woman. When his mother (May Heatherly) surprises him in the act, she slaps and scolds him. As the mother is searching the boy’s bedroom for other “filth” to dispose of, the boy returns with an axe and murders her. Then the boy proceeds to saw his mother’s body into pieces. Forty years later on a Boston university campus, the now adult killer is conducting a fetishistic ritual of murder. He severs various pieces from his women victims to add to the grisly, human jigsaw puzzle he is assembling. 

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The Spanish-U.S. production Pieces is a notorious example of the slasher film that is adored by fans of the genre as an absurd exploitation spectacle. For critics of the genre, it is an extreme example of just how crass they consider such films. Ultimately, Pieces thumbs its nose at both sides of the slasher film merits debate.

Like many real-life serial killers, the killer in Pieces has a sexual hang-up that is at the root of his murderous behavior. In this case, it rather neatly ties in with the killer’s MO. A nudie jigsaw puzzle creates the conflict leading to matricide and probably obsessive guilt that can only be assuaged by more killing to recreate a jigsaw corpse stand-in for the killer’s mother. This sort of psycho setup is one of my favorite aspects of slasher films. I am sure that psychologists and criminal profilers will find such a scenario to be much too simplistic. However, this is not much more deranged than the motivations and triggers for many real-life serial killers. If one wants to interpret more motivational depth into the killer of Pieces, it could also be assumed that the pornophile kid had some other issues before mom tried to dispose of his stash of smut.

There, I am glad I got that off my chest. I feel pretty damned proud about attributing more narrative and psychological integrity to Pieces than anyone else has in the past forty years. And you thought this flick was about nothing more than gore and naked chicks? Well, hang in there, I’m just getting warmed up... 

The killer in Pieces has to be the stealthiest maniac ever. I can only surmise that dressing as The Shadow somehow allows him to cloud babes’ minds so they cannot see him. Of course, when they finally do notice him it is too damned late. The killer even possesses such sleight of hand prowess that while sharing an elevator with someone he can conceal his chainsaw behind his back. 

You’ve got to admire police procedure in Pieces when it is this methodical and does not jump to conclusions. Lt. Bracken (Christopher George) asks for a professional opinion from the university anatomy teacher Professor Brown (Jack Taylor). When discovering the chopped apart remains of the poolside victim next to a bloody chainsaw, Bracken asks, “Could this have been done by a chainsaw?” 

You’ve also got to hand it to Lt. Bracken for thinking outside the box. Apparently, cute coeds being butchered in rapid succession on a Boston campus does not allow Bracken to get the manpower he needs to secure the campus and catch the killer. So he is counting on mild-mannered student and chick magnet Kendall James (Ian Sera) to be his on-campus informant and to keep an eye on beautiful tennis star and undercover policewoman Mary Riggs (Linda Day). This kid is so popular that he can’t even be bothered to finish balling his latest horny honey before he takes off after Mary in the middle of the night just because he spots her wandering around the campus. 

As all of the best exploitation films do, Pieces alerts us to an oft-ignored public safety concern. While the drug PCP was the trendy ’80s scapegoat for inducing irrational violent behavior, this film exposes the threat of bad chop suey causing spontaneous kung fu rages. 

The outrageous extremes of Pieces have made it revered among trash film fans. Along with its madness, nudity, and gore, the film’s often out-of-left-field sense of humor and loopy characters distinguish it. 

Topping the cast is the husband-wife acting team of Christopher George and Linda Day. As Police Lt. Bracken, George is that establishment hero that we expect to save the day. He surprises us with his choice of assistants in his investigations. Not only does he get a kid on campus to pitch in, he also has tennis star-turned-police officer Mary Riggs go to the university to operate undercover as a tennis coach. Sure, it’s unlikely but necessary. Without Linda Day as Mary Riggs on the job, we would not have that Oscar-worthy moment of histrionics when she discovers another campus corpse. I could quote her every time I encounter a plugged up men’s room toilet. 

Paul L. Smith plays the hulking, chainsaw-cherishing university groundskeeper Willard. As if this does not make him look guilty enough, his face is afflicted with stink eye paralysis. It looks positively painful. 

Edmund Purdom is the smooth and polished university dean. He manages to make everything he says sound reasonable while being completely ineffectual. He would go on to star in and begin directing the producers’ next fright flick Don’t Open till Christmas (1984). 

Producers Dick Randall and Stephen Minasian set out to create something typical of the slasher genre and, accidentally or by impish intent, gave the horror fan something extra. Pieces is a lurid thriller flaunting its bad taste to achieve a campy intensity. It almost reaches the level of a parody without ever seeming quite so deliberate. Because we are not quite sure what the intent was with some of its goofier aspects, this film has become something unique. Randall and Minasian apparently captured lightning in a bottle with Pieces. Their next slasher Don’t Open till Christmas is lacking the crude, cockeyed fun found here and is merely unsatisfying. 

Like many slasher films, Pieces has been labeled misogynistic. Of course, any film about a killer targeting women is dealing with misogynistic behavior. Does portraying such acts mean the filmmakers and their audience are misogynists? If so, then just what does this film’s ball-busting finale mean? It is perhaps the most outrageous WTF climax to any horror film. I think it is a dual-purpose bit of movie mischief that is tweaking the noses of the misogyny accusers at the same time it is flipping the bird to the male audience drawn to the sex-and-violence buzz of Pieces. If you can figure out a better reason for that ending, I’ll send you a case of lollipops.

GRIZZLY (1976)

Director: William Girdler

Writers: Harvey Flaxman, David Sheldon, Andrew Prine (uncredited)

Producers: Harvey Flaxman, David Sheldon

Cast: Christopher George, Andrew Prine, Richard Jaeckel, Joan McCall, Joe Dorsey, Tom Arcuragi, Vicki Johnson, Kathy Rickman, Mary Ann Hearn, Charles Kissinger, Kermit Echols, Harvey Flaxman, Susan Orpin, Brian Robinson, Sandra Dorsey, Gene Witham, Mike Clifford, David Newton, Mike Gerschefski, David Holt, Brian Robinson, Amos Gillespie (uncredited), Lee S. Jones, Jr. (uncredited) 

An enormous man-eating grizzly bear is attacking campers in a national wilderness park surrounded by forests. The head forest ranger Michael Kelly (Christopher George) clashes with his park supervisor Charley Kittridge (Joe Dorsey) about how to deal with the deadly beast. Kelly is joined by the park’s expert naturalist Arthur Scott (Richard Jaeckel) and helicopter pilot Don Stober (Andrew Prine) in his hunt for the bear. Arthur Scott deduces that the creature they are pursuing is of a prehistoric bear species that stands at least 15-feet tall. 

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1975’s Jaws was an absolute blockbuster of a movie. Great film successes start trends and inspire rip-offs. Without a doubt, the following year’s Grizzly is a rip-off. Although producer David Sheldon claims to have conceived this film before Jaws debuted on movie screens, and his co-writer Harvey Flaxman was inspired to initiate the story by an actual bear attack incident he had been warned about during a trip to Yellowstone National Park, this completed film’s story structure and characters seem too similar to that other man-eater movie to be entirely coincidental. Nevertheless, Grizzly is a lot of fun. It is Jaws on land, which for the animal-attack movie fans, is just enough of a variation to sate their appetite for more bloodthirsty, bestial thrills.

Like Jaws, this is pretty brutal for a PG rated film. Kids are not safe in this flick, either. The giant bear is a worthy successor to the great white shark for making mincemeat out of human beings. This beastie also has the interesting habit of storing leftovers for later.

Christopher George, as the forest ranger hero Michael Kelly, begins the string of horror film appearances that would cap off his career. He is handsome and likable and never better than when getting completely pissed off at his supervisor. Frankly, this contention he has with the authority figure that just won’t cooperate with him is the most forced Jaws-inspired aspect to this story, but without it we wouldn’t get Christopher George at full-boil yelling, “Bullshit!” I love that scene. 

While George’s character of Kelly is the stand-in here for Chief Brody of Jaws, Richard Jaeckel, as naturalist “Scotty,” is the Hooper substitute, and Andrew Prine, as Don Stober, fills in for Quint. Like Quint, Don is a war veteran who owns and pilots the transportation used to chase the beast. He also gets his own old and scary tale to tell about the nasty sort of critter they are after. Andrew Prine actually improvised this short yarn himself. 

This trio of George, Jaeckel, and Prine has a good chemistry going among them. Despite the absolutely Jaws-derived nature of most of this film, including these three actor’s characters, they still play it with energy and sincerity. 

Rip-off or not, when one knows about the effort that went into making this film on a pretty low budget, you really have to appreciate that moviemaking requires a lot of work, adaptability, and ingenuity. Having the largest Kodiak bear in captivity shipped clear across the country to be the title star is quite a feat. Then trying to control this behemoth to get the necessary shots while keeping cast and crew safe during a fast shooting schedule seems like a recipe for disaster. I was amazed to find out that the bear “Teddy” had been trained to avoid an electrified wire separating him from humans, but when on the actual shooting location that wire was not electrified. Teddy just assumed that it was and stayed on his side of it. I wonder if this film’s completion bond guarantors were aware of that risky bluff. Maybe these filmmakers were so ballsy they thought they don’t need no stinkin’ bonds.

DAY OF THE ANIMALS (1977)

Director: William Girdler

Writers: William W. Norton, Eleanor E. Norton, Edward L. Montoro

Producers: Edward L. Montoro, David Sheldon (uncredited)

Cast: Christopher George, Lynda Day George, Leslie Nielsen, Michael Ansara, Paul Mantee, John Cedar, Susan Backlinie, Richard Jaeckel, Ruth Roman, Bobby Porter, Andrew Stevens, Kathleen Bracken, Walter Barnes, Michelle Stacy, Michael Andreas, Gil Lamb, Jan Andrew Scott, Gertrude Lee, Garrison True, Walt Gorney (uncredited), Mike Clifford (uncredited) 

Depletion of Earth’s ozone layer is allowing unfiltered ultraviolet radiation to affect the behavior of animals and turning them aggressive. The radiation levels have the most extreme effects at higher altitudes. The many beasts in the California mountains menace a group of hikers trying to get back to civilization. 

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1954’s film The Naked Jungle climaxed with Charlton Heston’s South American plantation owner character trying to defend his property against an approaching wave of army ants. Then Alfred Hitchcock’s 1963 classic The Birds probably set the standard for the nature attacks movies. It was not until the ecology conscious '70s that the animal vs. man theme became the impetus for many a fright flick. Aside from the individual animal freaks of Jaws (1975) and Grizzly (1976), there were the animal armies united to wipe out humans in films such as Frogs (1972) and Piranha (1978). Director William Girdler dealt with both forms of this horror sub-genre; first in the aforementioned Grizzly, and then the following year in Day of the Animals.

Some of the animals-attack-man movies had no specific reason for the beasts’ homicidal behavior. Others had a man use his animals as murder weapons. More, however, had the animals become a menace due to the unforeseen consequences of man’s environmental contamination. Day of the Animals is dealing with this latter situation. 

The film opens with another '70s habit of the grim expositional text appearing on screen to lend a bit of gravitas and truth to the subject matter of the story. This film does not pretend to be based on a true story, but wants us to believe it is possible in the near future due to the very real and contemporary concern about depletion of Earth’s ozone layer by man-made fluorocarbons used in so many aerosol products. Like the radiation fears of the '50s justifying the mutated menaces of so many movie monsters in that era, ozone layer depletion is the unlikely culprit that drives animals crazy. Once again, a very real worldwide threat is used to justify the creation of a movie menace to thrill and chill the audience. For horror junkies, like myself, that’s making the best of a bad situation. 

This film also seems to be a variation on that other '70s film genre: the disaster film. We have here a diverse cast of characters stuck in a dangerous situation. Most of them are given just enough of a back-story to maintain their individuality. In the course of the ongoing dangers they face, conflicts arise between them. 

Heading up this cast of unfortunate characters are two of the stars from William Girdler’s previous film Grizzly: Christopher George and Richard Jaeckel. George’s wife and frequent co-star Lynda Day George joins him. Susan Backlinie, the shapely first victim in Jaws, is on the receiving end of more animal aggression here. Behind the scenes, Backlinie also assisted her husband wrangling some of the animals used in this film. John Cedar plays her character’s nearly estranged husband. Ruth Roman, from Alfred Hitchcock’s Strangers on a Train (1951), plays the nagging single mother of her young son (Bobby Porter). Andrew Stevens appears here in an early role with Kathleen Bracken as his girlfriend. Two familiar faces from television, Michael Ansara and Paul Mantee, are also in this group of hikers. 

Speaking of familiar faces from television, in the '70s Leslie Nielsen frequently appeared as the guest star heavy in network crime dramas. No matter how despicable he may have been in those roles, they were only warm-up acts for his awesome assholism in Day of the Animals. With him around, hiking is never boring. As advertising executive Paul Jenson, Nielsen is the perfect example of the character you love to hate. He is arrogant, insensitive, opinionated, snide, and hilarious. That’s all before his character takes a turn for the worst and he devolves into a caveman. When burly Leslie Nielsen grabs a small boy by the collar and roars into his face calling him a “little cockroach,” a new pedestal in the Movie Villains Hall of Fame has to be furnished for him. 

Aside from the animal menace to the hikers, the conflict between Christopher George’s hiking guide Steve Bruckner and Leslie Nielsen’s Paul Jenson is the other main point of interest in this film. Despite the fact that Jenson is a jerk, he does not seem completely unreasonable when he displays increasing criticism of Bruckner’s leadership. Of course, all of this seems a bit suspect because Jenson is a conceited blowhard that is completely out of his element in the great outdoors. His ego is driving his attempt to take command. Yet there is the very real concern that Bruckner’s hiking plan seems to keep running into unforeseen disasters. This results in a division in the hiking group between those still being led by Bruckner and those choosing a different direction to be led by Jenson. To find out which leader is most capable you’ll have to watch the film, but Leslie Nielsen’s Paul Jenson led march is certainly the most entertaining.

GRADUATION DAY (1981)

Director: Herb Freed

Writers: Herb Freed, Anne Marisse, David Baughn

Producers: David Baughn, Herb Freed

Cast: Patch Mackenzie, Christopher George, E. Danny Murphy, Michael Pataki, E.J. Peaker, Richard Balin, Linnea Quigley, Denise Chesire, Bill Hufsey, Karen Abbott, Beverly Dixon, Hal Bokar, Carmen Argenziano, Vanna White, Virgil Frye, Ruth Ann Liorens, Tom Hintnaus, Carl Rey, Patrick Wright, Linda Shayne, Aaron Butler, Viola Kates Stimpson, Erica Hope, Grant Loud, Fred Beshid, Deborah Dutch, Felony (the band as themselves) 

Midvale High School track star Laura Ramstead (Ruth Ann Llorens) collapses and dies at the end of her winning race. As graduation day approaches, a series of murders are committed against the rest of the members of the Midvale track team. 

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1981 was the year of the slasher film. Hardly a week would pass without another production of the genre being released. This youth-centric horror film craze was at its peak and Graduation Day was designed to meet the demand. Being released in May of that year, when its target audience was about to graduate or seeing their older classmates about to do so, there was a sanguinary simpatico between audience and film that made Graduation Day quite a financial success on its modest budget.

Co-writer and director Herb Freed provides the slasher movie essentials to deliver what the audience expects: A tragedy that opens the film which provides the motivation for the horrors to follow; a mystery killer picking off victims one-by-one; plenty of red herrings provided to keep the audience guessing; a bit of comedy relief; and some teenage sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll.

The slasher film buff won’t find much in Graduation Day that hasn’t been done better elsewhere. Although this genre is often filled with simple characters, which I think usually compliment rather than distract from the horror of the situations, there are really no characters that engage much of our interest in this film. The dead track star’s older sister Anne Ramstead (Patch Mackenzie), who returns home from her Navy assignment, is also a potential suspect. She seems to be the heroine and should have our sympathies, but she may also be the killer. She is out of the story for long stretches in the film. This keeps her a bit distant from the audience and also allows her ample opportunity to commit the murders. That lends this story a bit of distinction. 

Graduation Day manages most of its interest for me with its non-essential to the genre bits of business: The beefy lout of a truck driver (Patrick Wright) that nearly gets his eggs scrambled copping a feel on our hitchhiking Navy Ensign heroine; the heroine’s absolute asshole of a stepfather (Hal Bokar) that resents her for reasons unknown; the grouchy high school principal (Michael Pataki) and the beyond professional relationship he has with his sexy secretary (E. J. Peaker); the inexplicably-popular-with-the-high-school-bimbos music teacher (Richard Balin) that has the cute blonde Dolores (Linnea Quigley) seduce him to avoid a flunking grade.

Another point of interest is that it seems that some of the characters are set up to be unlikable jerks and buffoons, which usually means they will add to the body count, yet they are completely passed over. They are not victims or movers of the plot in any way. They were probably only meant to add to the list of possible suspects and provide a bit of eccentric and humorous diversion. 

Speaking of suspects, Graduation Day goes the extra mile to make sure that we never stop playing the whodunit guessing game. Since the killer has a switchblade knife, wears gray sweats and black leather gloves, and uses a stopwatch to time the kills, that means we see plenty of characters unpack their luggage or open desk drawers to reveal they own some of those very items. We also have someone behave in an odd manner for no apparent reason except to make that person seem suspicious. If I have any criticism of this movie, it is that this kind of suspicion finger-pointing is so heavy-handed. 

Veteran actor Christopher George, as the hot-tempered Coach Michaels, tops the list of suspects here. George is a welcome addition to the cast for horror fans of this film era. During the last years of his life, George had been appearing in a string of fright flicks that have given so many horror junkies so much fun. 

As the promiscuous Dolores, Linnea Quigley begins to establish herself as an '80s scream queen. She would become a favorite sexy attraction in many more horror and exploitation flicks throughout the decade and beyond. 

Another notable cast member is pre-Wheel of Fortune letter turner Vanna White as one of a pair of motor-mouthed Midvale High School girls. 

For the slasher movie connoisseur, the variety of kills is the special sauce that makes this cinema junk food so tasty. The killer in Graduation Day comes up with a couple of very inspired and outrageous ways to kill. Even one of Batman’s super villains would be hard pressed to work out such diabolical tricks. We later find out that the killer has a room with edged weapons decorating the walls. I suppose that fixating on such things for years may have given the fiend the aptitude to quickly improvise some of these gory gimmicks. 

There is a bit of extra energy provided by some hyper-kinetic editing during key moments in the film. This was a rather unusual technique back in 1981. Nowadays edits nearly this frantic are done almost constantly throughout any shitty fantasy or action flick to fool the audience into thinking their brains are experiencing the most intense bowel movement ever.