MURDERERS' ROW (1966)

Director: Henry Levin

Writers: Oscar Saul (uncredited), Herbert Baker, adapted from Donald Hamilton’s novel

Producer: Irving Allen

Cast: Dean Martin, Ann-Margret, Karl Malden, James Gregory, Camilla Sparv, Tom Reese, Richard Eastham, Duke Howard, Beverly Adams, Robert Terry, Ted Hartley, Marcel Hillaire, Corrine Cole, Dean Paul Martin (as himself), Desi Arnaz, Jr. (as himself), Billy Hinsche (as himself), (and uncredited cast) Frank Gerstle, Dale Brown, Amadee Chabot, Barbara Burgess, Luci Ann Cook, Dee Gardner, Dee Duffy, Lynn Hartoch, Rena Horten, Mary Hughes, Karen Lee, Mary Jane Mangler, Jan Watson, Marilyn Tindall, Jacqueline Fontaine, Nadia Sanders 

Photographer and US secret agent Matt Helm (Dean Martin) is called back into action to find Dr. Norman Solaris (Richard Eastham), the missing scientist who has recently developed a heliobeam capable of mass destruction. It is suspected that Solaris may be providing his weapon to BIG O, a criminal organization bent on conquering the world. BIG O’s current objective is to use the heliobeam to destroy Washington, D.C. 

The Flashback Fanatic movie review 

Dean Martin’s debut as Matt Helm in The Silencers (1966) was quite a success. Martinmania was in full swing as Dino’s high-rated, television variety show’s first season was already underway, so Columbia Pictures recalled Martin’s reluctant US secret agent Matt Helm back into service later that same year for Murderers’ Row. 

While the whole point of this film series seems to be riffing on the James Bond spy craze with Dean Martin’s boozy playboy persona, it also shows the postwar ideal of the establishment male rubbing shoulders with the tuned-out-and-turned-on youth culture. As the cold war dragged on and fears of a nuclear Armageddon endgame became taken for granted, irreverence for the establishment and authority figures was on the rise, particularly with the younger generation. Ultimately, this flick is too breezy to be making any statements, but it suggests that maybe those middle-aged guys in the suits will still keep us safe. 

Yeah, I know. Such analysis is way too highfalutin for an installment in this go-with-the-80 proof-flow, male-wish-fulfillment fantasy. So, let me complete my mission of perfecting the whiskey sour while I rewatch Murderers’ Row. Then I can regale you with my far more appropriate impressions of this important motion picture. Cheers! 

This flick is a fun romp that always cheers me up depicting the hero’s Hugh Hefner-inspired lifestyle. Apparently, photographer Matt Helm’s line of work is so lucrative that he needs Lovey Kravezit (Beverly Adams), his beautiful and all-too-willing secretary, to handle his correspondence and schedule his girlie photo shoots. This profession still affords Helm his luxurious pad seen in the first film that is equipped with an automated booze dispenser and the sliding bed that can drop its occupants into an indoor swimming pool. Watching a carefree, well-to-do, boozing bachelor “hard at work” photographing a succession of gorgeous calendar girls should have me green with envy, but I appreciate that I don’t have to deal with any of that secret agent-cloak-and-dagger jazz. I guess if Helm is going to risk his life to save the world on a regular basis, he deserves some perks. 

Dean Martin seems even more relaxed and has even more quips and innuendo than in the first Matt Helm film. Nearly all of his dialogue consists of funny one-liners that play well off of just about every character he meets. 

James Gregory is back as MacDonald, the head of ICE, that US security agency that keeps bringing Helm back into the spy game. Gregory seems perfect as the pragmatic bureaucrat that hints at just a bit of the cold-blooded attitude found in the Matt Helm source novels. Gregory is probably best known for his role of the treacherous Senator John Iselan in that cold war classic, The Manchurian Candidate (1962).

The vivacious Ann-Margret plays Suzie, the daughter of the missing Dr. Norman Solaris. She seems like a nice girl that knows the score and will use her feminine wiles when the situation calls for it to find her father. She actually becomes pretty proactive and Helm treats her with more respect than some of his female companions in other films in the series. Ann-Margret’s discotheque dance frenzy in an assortment of wildly mod ’60s fashions convinces me she had more fun than anyone else making this movie. What a delectable dynamo! 

Karl Malden seems to be relishing the chance to be the criminal mastermind in an outrageous spy thriller. Despite his indeterminate accent, Malden’s Julian Wall character is not very distinctive. He is just meant to be the ruthless BIG O operative giving the orders who enjoys being bad. Malden gets to deliver a couple of nice lines that indicate he is despicable at the same time he makes us laugh. 

Like all of the best supervillains, Julian Wall has a beautiful moll. As Coco Duquette, Camilla Sparv seems under-utilized in this role. She is just another lovely accessory to Julian Wall and to this genre of film that requires plenty of gorgeous women. Coco displays a cool humor and it is immediately established that she is openly interested in men other than Wall. These two characters seem to barely tolerate each other. 

All of the best supervillains also have grotesque and dedicated henchmen. Tom Reese’s hulking thug is never addressed by name and is only listed in the credits as “Ironhead” due to a shiny metal plate atop his bald skull. He is a brute of few words, but it is his confused, grunted response of “What?” to Julian Wall’s too-verbose order to kill that sets up a good laugh early in the film and establishes the tone. Ironhead must have been an influence on the metal-enhanced henchman Jaws in the much later James Bond films The Spy Who Loved Me (1977) and Moonraker (1979). Even the use of an electromagnet with Ironhead was also repeated with the later Bond villain. 

While Murderers’ Row never aspires to be anything more than a jokey spy adventure, it is marred by some narrative sloppiness. The ongoing use of tiny assassination devices that will explode when subjected to excessive motion is incredibly inconsistent. The damned things never blow up until it is convenient for the story’s purposes. The apparently suicidal Ironhead inexplicably uses one mini-bomb for a dumb gag with Helm. Another mini-bomb is also somehow recognized by Helm as a potential murder weapon, even though he has never seen it or been told what it looks like. At least the unreliable, deadly device allows Dean Martin to follow up the first film in the series with another Frank Sinatra-bashing gag. 

Other gadget-gimmicks are variations on the modified-gun gags of the first film. Instead of a reverse-firing pistol, here we have a gun that can be set to fire ten seconds after the trigger is pulled and a freezing-spray gun. These would seem to have little practical use, but they do manage to tally up quite a body count.

Speaking of bodies, this flick just might hold the world’s record for most bikinis in a single film. Apparently, at least half the women in 1966 Monte Carlo paraded around in swimwear all day long. Maybe it was a dress code ordinance; this yankee homebody wouldn’t know, but I wholeheartedly approve. 

In addition to the action, humor, and female scenery, this good-time Charlie really grooves to the music score. The great composer Lalo Schifrin created the famous themes of such television shows as Mission: Impossible (1966-73) and Mannix (1967-75). He also composed the soundtrack for Dirty Harry (1971) and for three of its four sequels. Schifrin’s Murderers’ Row music is bursting with that jazzy and snazzy ’60s energy I can’t get enough of. 

Despite being a fan of Donald Hamilton’s original, gritty Matt Helm novels, I just can’t resent this movie series as so many others do. While a faithful adaptation of the Helm novels would have been exciting, I can appreciate these rambunctious spy spoofs for the escape they provide. Dean Martin’s Matt Helm-movie martinis buzz this bachelor’s brain with their reckless mix of spy-genre ingredients tossed off with lounge-lizard aplomb. I know they are no damned good for me, but they sure do take the edge off. That’s just what this movie mixologist ordered.